Does it really matter?

Here are some things I thought didn't really matter to me, but eventually made me a glum guy:

1. Missing a few points on getting honours for my 1st medic module
2. playing football with friends, said it was for the fun of it & not really to win, but i do wanna win.
3. letting etuc go, but do i wanna do that? I guess so.
4. tak balik msia cuti nnt
5. having 8 pairs of shoes & not knowing when to wear them
6. doing an assignment witht the aim of just finishing off n not care bout the marks i get
7. sitting in class n absorbing people's ideas when i really feel like, "thats a stupid idea, dumbass!"
8. paying 2pounds for a meal at flames when i can buy a whole raw chicken with the same amount of money (sekor ayam 3-4 hari mkn kot!!)
9. see friends having fun without me
10. being a medic & being busy (bdk2 course lain lepak gle)
11. say i dont mind you doing that, go ahead. (i do really mind you daft headed person! or am i daft? altruism la konon)

those are the few things yg dok wat aku sewel skrg ni. nk kena gi main bola ni, kasi lega sket.

The red napkin

so u sailed away
i push ur boat from shore
i hope you sail well
sail away from worldly matters
i hope u sail freely
free from envy, pain and sadness

I wipe my tears on this red napkin
i wave it as i cheer you on
but i'm crying inside
and this red napkin can't wipe the hurt away

maybe you'll be gone for days,
weeks, months, years,
to that land of promised hope
you might not want to come back
now that your happiness is there
but my happiness is you

i hope you'll come ashore again
some day hence, god knows when
and bring with you hope
hope that has been drained out of me
hope that we can live
like wut we dreamt of

i write my words to you
on this piece of red napkin
now that ure gone,
i hope the waves will take my voice to you
take my grief, sadness, hope, evrythg
to you, n out to the world
and let them see

just how much you mean to me

-in memories of etuc, departed on the 26th of january 2009. may your soul be free-

my friend

I guess we're just the same

sometimes i tell others how you just cant forget me
i tell them how bad u are
n i say ive moved on but u havnt

but...

i still talk about you
bad stories and endless ridiculing
they've all been bout you

i appreciate you
its just that too bad we ended the way we did
i never really wanted that
im sorry i played with your heart
i took advantage of you
but i myself like i always am

undecisive...

i like the book you gave me
i cant believe you actually did though
"to our great friendship"
looks like its too great that we still talk bout each other

our friendship didnt go to waste
just so you know
that now all our secrets are no more
i feel free
i wish i cud just hug n make up
i still want you as a friend
but you just cant take me anymore

i tell people how much i hate you
but i dont really think i do
i cant believe our parent's sat together
that was funny

i just hope one day hence
i'll be able to see you from a far
run to you n embrace
n once again call you

my friend......

Morning Sun

Morning Sun by Nik Munawwar Al-Hadithi
(kalo nk dgr lagu, sila klik tajuk blog 'morning sun' kt atas tuh)

When I was younger than today,
I always thought that the shining rays are gonna fade away,
But when it shines a brand new day,
It gives me hope to find my way through the days,
Oh what a waste

And when the rain-clouds pour the rain,
There's always thunder strikin' me oh god you know the pain,
But when I hear the sound of music playin,
Winding in my head I'm always sure,
That I'm really sure

All the nights I've been thinkin of the fight,
Till the sun rises in the dawn,
I said, oh god what have I done wrong?

Break the walls and see the light,
Everything's gonna be alright,
Premonitions told me life is gonna be what it's gonna be,
Tell the stars and tell the night,
Everything's gonna be alright,
Maharishi comes to me and tells me just to let it be,
But I wonder, if tomorrow never comes,
I'll be down in the morning sun.




babi pnye nix, dia bikin lagu ni sedap gle
dengki aku... hahahaa...
bravo bro!!!

Jamban Kotak Merah

Macam biasa, aku mesti cari tmpt tuh skali skala. Ni bukan sebarang jamban, ni karok jamban. Kt koleq lg aku dok karok, aku ingat lg 1st time aku gi karok, masa tuh cen bwk aku. kitorg form3 masa tuh. kitorg outing ke ipoh. gi ipoh parade. hehehe. masa tuh bangga gle la, outing bley fly ke ipoh. mlm b4 gi ipoh tuh, mesti training karok abeh pnye la. biasa la cen, lagu melayu apa dia xtau. mcm jukebox kt kedai keling kt pekan kuala tuh, dkt dgn bus station. smua jenis lagu ada dlm tuh. jayjay, hattan, wings, etc. smua tuh cen la kenalkn kt aku. aku kenal sorg dua je asalnye. aku pk, x cool la layan lagu melayu. x ikot trend ar. org lain smua lyn muse, backstreet boys, kena plak masa tuh, power of love baru je release. smu tangkap leleh. tmbahan plak masa tuh AADC pon baru kuar. smua pakat layan AADC plak. tp cen x goyang, dia kata kt aku, lagu2 tuh layan, layan jgk. tp ble nk karok, xley pakai smua tuh. mesti cari rock kapak balik. aku pon diam, bagai penuntut patuh kpd mahaguru.

kaki langkah masuk ipoh parade, nmpk org2 pki kemeja putih, sluar putih. dlm kepala otak dh set, kalo kantoi pape, ngaku je bdk star. hahaha. siot pnye perangai. mana la x pelik. bygkn, sluar putih, tp pki tshirt. of cos la obvious gle bdk skola. tp demi mimpi karok, kitorg wat selenge je. gi jgk ipoh parade. naik bus 7kupang je from medan kidd. dh sampai, terus tuju karok jamban. masa tuh murah lg, satu lagu 1token=5kupang. zmn skrg seragok selagu. cis. katok manusia zmn skrg, bkn nk pk kebahagian org dlm karok jamban tuh, ble dpt genggam mic, tarik smpi terbatuk2. diorg pk wat duet je.

cen pnye faveret, cukuplah sekali by jayjay. hahaha. kitorg time tuh mmg main nyanyi je, tune ke x, bantai. tp cen mmg bley nyanyi pic tinggi2 ni. aku mcm biasa la, bwk lagu rahmat je. cen slalu kutuk, lagu nk ikot nama jambu je. hahaha. sengal. apa lagi, kasi tarik la!!!! smpi he-she, tp apa kitorg peduli. hehehe. berpeluh2 kuar from jamban tuh. rahmat, wings, jayjay, salim, amy, mamat, exists, smua kitorg taram.

lepas bubuh 6-7 lagu, berhenti la. (suara dh tarak, wallet pon kopak). lepas tuh, mesti nk pekena sizzling seround. mmg x lengkap ar kalo x kena. huhu. pastu tapau McD utk jambu, baru balik.

mesej aku nk smpikn kt sini, aku rindu karok. x kira la jamban ke, redbox ke. aku rindu lagu2 kapak ni. thnx la am, EG, wanza. sama2 kita karok kt dlm umah hamid aritu smpi kena sound dgn jiran. hahaha. kpd mereka yg x pnah rasa karok lagu melayu, aku gerenti korg pasti xkn buka dh lagu2 english dlm tmpt karok kalo korg btoi2 kasi hayati. HIDUP KAROK!!!!

seru

its 4.19pm
azan maghrib baru je lepas
tuh seru kedua ada dlm kepala otak aku

seru pertama, tentulah seruan Illahi
pulangkan apa yang dipinjam
sometimes i think soo far ahead
i plan the greatest plans
i contemplate to do the craziest things
but then when reality sinks in
u just start to realize,
to do all that, u'll need LIFE

Diambang nk exam,
in the midst of my revving engine
pulun study last minit like owez
ihsan call gitau ayah munzir meninggal
emotionlessly, i went to their place
tgk munzir cool je
but deep inside i noe he's fucked up
he's devastated, as messed as the frantic sea
smashing walls of water onto a cliff
its anger, grief, hope, guilt, everything
all i wanna say is
i'll never know when my time comes

seru ketiga dlm kepala otak aku
i feel more enthusiastic to blog
to keep a web log of my life
as this is the only treasure munzir had of his late dad
if i die today, at least i know mama, ayah, family, kwn2
smua bley baca mende ni

it tears me apart
ble airmata munzir menitis atas laptop
reading and scanning each line of his dad's blog
searching for a hidden meaning
looking for that minute indicator
so intrinsic, so embedded
like a blind man on braille,
like an abled man in the dark,
teraba2 cari erti

It tears me apart
when I know that all it takes
is a couple of seconds
to tell my loved ones
how much they mean to me
how much i love them
how much i miss them
but find myself dangling helplessly
once LIFE is drawn out of this 65kg matter
once LIFE is drawn out of that greying head of mama's
once LIFE is drawn out of that chubby face of ayah's
and before it happens
i love u guys, just so that you know

i hope its neva too little too late for these things..

the bigger agenda

i hope u'll one day see
what i do today is not for me
i cry, i hurt & i sacrifice
all for the bigger agenda in life

we laugh, we hug, we shout out loud
i hurt u till u feel worn out
moments we share together & apart
they will remain deep down in my heart

just be patient this time my dear
i've told u that throughout the year
i feel ashamed to tell u again
& i know that will cause u more pain

beauty & attitude remains undecided
i will soon choose and this to be ended
pray to god please enlighten my path
and free me from this evil wrath

hurt, torn, broken and thrashed
those tears dampen the embers to ashes
i plea for u to be strong & wait
the end will very soon prevail

the chains around my wrists so tight
i have to free myself in the coming night
im no longer gonna be imprisoned
its time for my heart to be listened to

if this is how fate wrote us to be
then lets hope its u & me