Sunday, 29 January 2012
Perceptions
My perception has definitely changed. I couldn't find the catchy beat in this tune until I heard it the second time. Several months apart.
"ooooo, oooooo, how long till your surrender..."
Friday, 27 January 2012
Plans
Assalamualaikum
I've become more unsure of what type of doctor I want to be in the future. When I started off in medicine, I've always wanted to become an orthopaedic surgeon. Then I wanted to become a surgeon, but not sure which specialty. Then I thought if not surgery, I might consider interventional radiography. But the thought of becoming an anaesthetist was really appealing. However, only A&E consultants in emergency medicine are able to maintain a wide array if knowledge unlike other specialties where it becomes so specialised that some consultants cannot remember where semitendinosus is. The more I learn and experience, the more lost I am. Back to square one.
I've become more unsure of what type of doctor I want to be in the future. When I started off in medicine, I've always wanted to become an orthopaedic surgeon. Then I wanted to become a surgeon, but not sure which specialty. Then I thought if not surgery, I might consider interventional radiography. But the thought of becoming an anaesthetist was really appealing. However, only A&E consultants in emergency medicine are able to maintain a wide array if knowledge unlike other specialties where it becomes so specialised that some consultants cannot remember where semitendinosus is. The more I learn and experience, the more lost I am. Back to square one.
Wednesday, 25 January 2012
El Classico
Assalam
The lesson from today's el classico:
"don't give others the chance to ruin you. Don't risk it. Take the opportunity you are presented with"
Higuain, higuain, higuain.
Its been a while since I wanted to watch Barcelona lose. And it has yet to happen. Watching them lose to Almeria won't satisfy this urge. It has to be fierce rivals. Then the satisfaction!
But credits to Barca, they work hard and ball possession has never been demonstrated any better than by them. I don't support Madrid, but it has come to point were theatricals should be kicked out of football. Along with racism.
So much talk about simulation a few years back. I guess things come in cycles. Soon we'll be seeing loose fit football jerseys and almost hot-pants-lengthed shorts!
The lesson from today's el classico:
"don't give others the chance to ruin you. Don't risk it. Take the opportunity you are presented with"
Higuain, higuain, higuain.
Its been a while since I wanted to watch Barcelona lose. And it has yet to happen. Watching them lose to Almeria won't satisfy this urge. It has to be fierce rivals. Then the satisfaction!
But credits to Barca, they work hard and ball possession has never been demonstrated any better than by them. I don't support Madrid, but it has come to point were theatricals should be kicked out of football. Along with racism.
So much talk about simulation a few years back. I guess things come in cycles. Soon we'll be seeing loose fit football jerseys and almost hot-pants-lengthed shorts!
Monday, 23 January 2012
Reflect
Assalam
First day on paeds flew by. I sat at the empty table in the restaurant, all seats for myself. I was not selfish, its just that no one was really there at 4.30pm.
I read and reread my previous posts. Sigh.
"don't say things you don't mean because people will hold on to it".
Yes, cliche but I've been told that many times. Theres a reason why its a cliche. It bears the truth.
I look back and realise how words of encouragement were showered at me from my beloved folks. Deep down all they wanted was to spur me on, make sure I work hard enough for the better of my own future. Yet I took te words literally and was left holding on to something that may never materialise. I whine and sulk but I should have known better. It was words of motivation bck then. Like what I saw in her aged eyes, I held on to what ayah said. Thank you ayah. I'm better now.
But what was all that compared to the child who's parents put out cigarettes on his body? The one who vomits constantly day and night and suffers permanent brain damage after being shook by mother's new boyfriend? Or the 33week premature twins whom were given birth to by a cocaine-heroin-methodone addict mother who never came back to see them once the hospital discharged her?
If humans held grudges, these souls are definitely the ones to understandably do so. They deserve to question why they were treated as such, because all they did was to come to this world, nothing more. Not a slight particle of wrongdoing, no matter how you twist and turn the circumstances. Bend it over backwards and forth, these infants are innocent. Astaghfirullah, I was so ungrateful with life. I felt I had been wronged by Ayah and even if he did get me a new phone, I'ld probably be ashamed to accept, with these indiviuals playing at the back of mind. It was not a neccesity, it was luxury back then. How badly they will be scarred is a mystery. Physical, mental and emotions all mashed up so bad that it surfaces as a troubled and annoying child. Poor biopsychosocial circumstances leads to a perpetuation of such suffering, creating a vicious cycle of generations and generation of disturbed individuals. Before we judge others, take a moment to consider what that person has been through and insyaAllah we will be receptive of others around us. If we cannot break the cycle, then let us at least be 'the person who was nice to them'.
First day on paeds flew by. I sat at the empty table in the restaurant, all seats for myself. I was not selfish, its just that no one was really there at 4.30pm.
I read and reread my previous posts. Sigh.
"don't say things you don't mean because people will hold on to it".
Yes, cliche but I've been told that many times. Theres a reason why its a cliche. It bears the truth.
I look back and realise how words of encouragement were showered at me from my beloved folks. Deep down all they wanted was to spur me on, make sure I work hard enough for the better of my own future. Yet I took te words literally and was left holding on to something that may never materialise. I whine and sulk but I should have known better. It was words of motivation bck then. Like what I saw in her aged eyes, I held on to what ayah said. Thank you ayah. I'm better now.
But what was all that compared to the child who's parents put out cigarettes on his body? The one who vomits constantly day and night and suffers permanent brain damage after being shook by mother's new boyfriend? Or the 33week premature twins whom were given birth to by a cocaine-heroin-methodone addict mother who never came back to see them once the hospital discharged her?
If humans held grudges, these souls are definitely the ones to understandably do so. They deserve to question why they were treated as such, because all they did was to come to this world, nothing more. Not a slight particle of wrongdoing, no matter how you twist and turn the circumstances. Bend it over backwards and forth, these infants are innocent. Astaghfirullah, I was so ungrateful with life. I felt I had been wronged by Ayah and even if he did get me a new phone, I'ld probably be ashamed to accept, with these indiviuals playing at the back of mind. It was not a neccesity, it was luxury back then. How badly they will be scarred is a mystery. Physical, mental and emotions all mashed up so bad that it surfaces as a troubled and annoying child. Poor biopsychosocial circumstances leads to a perpetuation of such suffering, creating a vicious cycle of generations and generation of disturbed individuals. Before we judge others, take a moment to consider what that person has been through and insyaAllah we will be receptive of others around us. If we cannot break the cycle, then let us at least be 'the person who was nice to them'.
Sunday, 22 January 2012
Another week
Ive just arrived in Bradford for my 2nd week. More things to learn insyaAllah. I cant believe that I am kind of enjoying paeds, much to my own surprise. Reminds me of anak2 kak fizah as I crawled on all fours. Is it the excellent teaching, the kids or is this the path for me?
Lessons
This weekend has been more than the usual.
1. I finally let out things I wanted to say for a long time. It might be blunt, but stakat dok ckp2 belakang x guna. Dosa mengumpat hanya terhapus when you own up to the subject and plead for forgiveness.
2. I learnt that not everyone has the guts to say things up front. Most prefer to melt into their shirt collar and whisper behind peoples back. In virtual world they have the loudest voice, but absolutely no substance in reality.
3. You can only teach people real lessons by depriving them of what you have given. If not they take you for granted.
4. People are around you because they have an interest at hand. Be it a roof, a sorted out house bill and internet connection or nk tumpang mkn duit housemates lain byr in order to achieve your body building goals.
5. Anger is normally the initial reaction before people understand the main point you're trying to convey. Be angry all you want, you will finally realise what I am doing here is to teach us all a lesson.
6. The manchester teams are still the ones to beat. =P
Have a good week ahead everyone.
1. I finally let out things I wanted to say for a long time. It might be blunt, but stakat dok ckp2 belakang x guna. Dosa mengumpat hanya terhapus when you own up to the subject and plead for forgiveness.
2. I learnt that not everyone has the guts to say things up front. Most prefer to melt into their shirt collar and whisper behind peoples back. In virtual world they have the loudest voice, but absolutely no substance in reality.
3. You can only teach people real lessons by depriving them of what you have given. If not they take you for granted.
4. People are around you because they have an interest at hand. Be it a roof, a sorted out house bill and internet connection or nk tumpang mkn duit housemates lain byr in order to achieve your body building goals.
5. Anger is normally the initial reaction before people understand the main point you're trying to convey. Be angry all you want, you will finally realise what I am doing here is to teach us all a lesson.
6. The manchester teams are still the ones to beat. =P
Have a good week ahead everyone.
Saturday, 21 January 2012
Handphone
Nanti ko dh abeh SPM ko dpt la handphone.
Its been almost 7yrs, still nothg to show for all the effort. It was all for you guys, to make you happy and proud. All I wanted was some acknowledgement. To be rewarded like my peers. But no, I'm not like them I guess.
Someone got a car recently while the most of us watched on. Is it my fault sebab tak mintak and now sulking like a 3year old? Or was I too sensible knowing all I'll get is a backlash from the big man?
Ntah la, ini semua kerja setan nak bagi iri hati. I apologise. Maybe I wasn't fated to be spoilt. I am the eldest son afterall.
Ya Allah, panjangkanlah umur kedua ibu bapaku, adik beradik, sahabat handai dan seluruh muslimin muslinat. Kurniakanlah kami kejayaan dan bahagia dunia akhirat. Amin.
PS: i love you.
Its been almost 7yrs, still nothg to show for all the effort. It was all for you guys, to make you happy and proud. All I wanted was some acknowledgement. To be rewarded like my peers. But no, I'm not like them I guess.
Someone got a car recently while the most of us watched on. Is it my fault sebab tak mintak and now sulking like a 3year old? Or was I too sensible knowing all I'll get is a backlash from the big man?
Ntah la, ini semua kerja setan nak bagi iri hati. I apologise. Maybe I wasn't fated to be spoilt. I am the eldest son afterall.
Ya Allah, panjangkanlah umur kedua ibu bapaku, adik beradik, sahabat handai dan seluruh muslimin muslinat. Kurniakanlah kami kejayaan dan bahagia dunia akhirat. Amin.
PS: i love you.
Thursday, 19 January 2012
24
Thats how old I'll b this year come june.
I MUST pass my exams by all means.
Because:
1. I have electives planned.
2. I wanna go bck to msia to see family.
3. Im goin on a vacation with friends.
4. I dont consider failing as an option.
Even so, manusia merancang, Allah adalah sebaik perancang.
At times I feel exhausted. Listless. But then I remember, tp kerrapa?
Energised. Lets take the hardest year in med school by the horn n show it whos boss! Bismillahitawakkaltu 'alAllah.
Why do I think so much lately? So much subconcious reflection whirring in my head...
I MUST pass my exams by all means.
Because:
1. I have electives planned.
2. I wanna go bck to msia to see family.
3. Im goin on a vacation with friends.
4. I dont consider failing as an option.
Even so, manusia merancang, Allah adalah sebaik perancang.
At times I feel exhausted. Listless. But then I remember, tp kerrapa?
Energised. Lets take the hardest year in med school by the horn n show it whos boss! Bismillahitawakkaltu 'alAllah.
Why do I think so much lately? So much subconcious reflection whirring in my head...
Wednesday, 18 January 2012
Ayah
When I was a child, I would often fake falling asleep in the car when the whole family travelled. Even if I was asleep, I normally wake up upon arrival but I keep my eyes shut. Just so ayah would lift me from my seat, carry me inside and tuck me in.
Ayah was (maybe still is) a fierce man. I was so scared of him when i was small and I guess we never really bonded. My friends were my world. I can see how he has changed his approach with my younger brothers. They're much closer to him than I am. At times I feel like I want to have a tet-a-tet with ayah but I find it awkward. On the phone, theres always that silence before he hands the phone back to mama. I wish things were slightly different. Theres that raging feeling inside of wanting to let out things and just chat with him. But his serious expressions just clamps out all the nerves I have. Maybe one day all this will change insyaAllah.
Ayah was (maybe still is) a fierce man. I was so scared of him when i was small and I guess we never really bonded. My friends were my world. I can see how he has changed his approach with my younger brothers. They're much closer to him than I am. At times I feel like I want to have a tet-a-tet with ayah but I find it awkward. On the phone, theres always that silence before he hands the phone back to mama. I wish things were slightly different. Theres that raging feeling inside of wanting to let out things and just chat with him. But his serious expressions just clamps out all the nerves I have. Maybe one day all this will change insyaAllah.
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
Bradford
My first ever accomodated placement in Bradford starts tomorrow. I'm doing paeds n my personal tutor (whos a consultant paediatrician specialising in CF) said the best place to see genetically inherited disease frm consanguinity is Bradford. It has the highest rate compared to the whole of UK. Bismillah, May Allah make ease for me.
On another note, I cried a little inside when I read the news. A dream that has always been talked of. The restaurant and us. Its hard, but lets not make it any harder. Godspeed!
On another note, I cried a little inside when I read the news. A dream that has always been talked of. The restaurant and us. Its hard, but lets not make it any harder. Godspeed!
Sunday, 15 January 2012
What next?
So the only thing I did was take the photo down. Childhood memories, it seems eons ago.
I can't stop my mind from the thoughts that appear. The tshirts, the songs, the postcards. Even Ted Bakri and his faithful red scarf. The essence of ideas, all that converge on the same point, have been threaded through each and every fabric of time. As time only lapsed when these ideas were weaved. Ideas, of the past and the mysterious future, will always be intertwined with time. As long as there is time, then these ideas shall remain. Etched in the cold granite walls of identity. As the earth completes yet another half of its voyage around the sun, all this shall be 1/6 of me. Left to grow smaller and smaller as we fade into senescence.
I can't stop my mind from the thoughts that appear. The tshirts, the songs, the postcards. Even Ted Bakri and his faithful red scarf. The essence of ideas, all that converge on the same point, have been threaded through each and every fabric of time. As time only lapsed when these ideas were weaved. Ideas, of the past and the mysterious future, will always be intertwined with time. As long as there is time, then these ideas shall remain. Etched in the cold granite walls of identity. As the earth completes yet another half of its voyage around the sun, all this shall be 1/6 of me. Left to grow smaller and smaller as we fade into senescence.
Wednesday, 4 January 2012
Random 4/1/12
Assalam
Dont talk about responsibility and getting married,
When you don't wash up after you eat,
Nor do you clean and flush after you sh*t.
On another note, Happy 11th Birthday my fellow collegian. Moga Allah suburkan taman-taman rezeki kita semua, bahagia dan seterusnya berjaya dunia dan akhirat. Amin Ya Rabb al-alamiin.
Dont talk about responsibility and getting married,
When you don't wash up after you eat,
Nor do you clean and flush after you sh*t.
On another note, Happy 11th Birthday my fellow collegian. Moga Allah suburkan taman-taman rezeki kita semua, bahagia dan seterusnya berjaya dunia dan akhirat. Amin Ya Rabb al-alamiin.
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Back then
"back then I used to work 78hours on the roll and never complained. Junior doctors now are soo weak"
Well back then my mama didn't even wear a hijab. If my sisters did that today they'ld be sleeping outside the house. Back then 5cents can buy you a meal but you can hardly get boiled sweets nowadays.
Theres a massive difference between your 'back then' and now. Its called REALISATION and AWARENESS.
I'm sorry you had a rough start to your career but I'm sure you benefited from it. It doesn't mean you can throw your weight around and live in oblivion. Ignoring necessities in today's world and treating people as an underclass will make you no greater than the people around you. There are means today to make things better, a luxury that was not even thought of back then. So make use of it. Don't grow old and bitter just because this generation has it better or easier. Even so, I'm sure thats what you wanted when you embarked on your journey. To change the lives of people around you, your family and yourself.
This is a very random post
Well back then my mama didn't even wear a hijab. If my sisters did that today they'ld be sleeping outside the house. Back then 5cents can buy you a meal but you can hardly get boiled sweets nowadays.
Theres a massive difference between your 'back then' and now. Its called REALISATION and AWARENESS.
I'm sorry you had a rough start to your career but I'm sure you benefited from it. It doesn't mean you can throw your weight around and live in oblivion. Ignoring necessities in today's world and treating people as an underclass will make you no greater than the people around you. There are means today to make things better, a luxury that was not even thought of back then. So make use of it. Don't grow old and bitter just because this generation has it better or easier. Even so, I'm sure thats what you wanted when you embarked on your journey. To change the lives of people around you, your family and yourself.
This is a very random post
Sunday, 1 January 2012
2012
Bismillah.
May Allah bless me the strength to be istiqamah in the little positive changes I attempt. May He mould my character as good a product as my physical being. Ya Allah, I pray from you guidance, happiness and success in this world and in the life to come. Amin.
Happy 2012.
May Allah bless me the strength to be istiqamah in the little positive changes I attempt. May He mould my character as good a product as my physical being. Ya Allah, I pray from you guidance, happiness and success in this world and in the life to come. Amin.
Happy 2012.
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