"jom main doktor2"
"eh, nak main doktor2 pulak? knape?"
"ala, nnt kalo dh besar, senang sikit nk jd doktor sbb dh tera"
It was a summers day, scorching ray shining through the window, heating the room up to a total blaze. I was sweating, with just my pants on. The wind was howling through the window but to no avail in cooling this sweaty, clammy figure. It was so bright outside that I had to wince just to make out the shape of a car whizzing by. Mannikins outside were barely clothed, pacing up and down the sidewalks with radios ablast. Barbecue smoke was everywhere, each house with sunbathers on their front lawn. All baked up to a crimson.
You sat there, with your silver-with-a-blue-hue stethescope around your neck, sleeves rolled up and ready as ever. Hair tied back, it was nice to see such a decent figure, so eager to get involved into a hectic world at such a budding age. If I could pause time, I would've done so. I wanted to be there forever,in between playworld and reality. But life just unfolds, no matter how hard you try. Minute pearls of sweat emerged on ur forehead, above your upper lip and lightly dampening your temples. An image of diligence I store in my mind. You inspire me in every little way, but you hardly realise it.
"duduk, doktor nak dengar bunyi jantung"
Soaked in perspiration and fatigue, I sat up and slouched forward. You said it would help you hear the heart better. I admire your knowledge, we were too young to know all that but you showed such maturity. You fret and worry and let anxiousness bury you six feet under. All the while not realising what a gem you are. You have so much potential inside you, you can shine but you supress all that under that timid look, that frantic wave of a nervous hand. But its good to be your patient, because of you I don't want to fall behind.
I was your doll, your dummy, your mute simulated patient and I was happy to be so. You rolled me around, palpating and pointing to the 9 areas of the abdomen and guessing the organs underneath. I smiled and closed my eyes, it was ticklish sometimes. But I was an experience for me. Now may years on, I'll be facing the same situation insyaAllah in about an academic year's time.You've gone through it numerous times, and you flew higher than flying colours.
"dorsalis pedis"
I was glad I was there when you needed me. I might have not done much, because all I did was lie there for you to hone your skills. Butting in a few times was all I could do to help you, with the little knowledge I had. You've become better, far better than me. You've recaptured your focus and thats more important to me than making you laugh. I'ld rather you cry and get your priorities right, fly through the years of becoming a doctor than laughing and being happy only to realise the last laugh belongs to another.
Years on, if you need me to be your patient, just shoot! I'm more than glad to oblige because I miss the days we played 'doctor2'
"Can you resist me from pushing your elbows down?"
Sure, I monologued. U're irresistable.
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
Sunday, 22 August 2010
Are you ready?
You're a d*ck if you date someone without eventually marrying them
And you're an a*shole if you marry them before you're ready
And you're an a*shole if you marry them before you're ready
Saturday, 21 August 2010
Satu
Selamat hari jadi anakku
If only I could turn back time
Your first few steps around the coffee table
All the while slapping your hands on it
The giggle and sight of an itching gum
The thoughts of kikilala and kiko
Mama bought you a toy to bite
Like always, she knows us best.
We are young, all of us
The warm, moist, soft hand of yours
Inherited from your ayah
Or in his case he never grew out of it
And that beautiful smile from your mama
We love you no matter what
Rest asleep now, you've a long way to grow
To be strong and healthy
To guard the gates of happiness
All for our taking.
Happy birthday my child.
Hold on to our hands and don't let go.
Friday, 20 August 2010
Thursday, 12 August 2010
Time, youth and money
Salam.
When you're young,
You have youth (health), considerable free time and no money.
When you're at a later stage in life,
You have considerable youth, considerable money but no time.
When you're further on,
You have money, time but no youth.
So, sow the seeds with your youth, nurture the plant with water, sun and fertilizers and reap the rewards at the very end. It's never too late. =)
teringat pesan Rafizi Ramli:
"Sometimes, things stop waiting for us." True in every sense, old man.
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
100
Salam
For my 100th post, I would like to have a little say on all thats been going on in life. In my life especially.
As far as I'm aware, I haven't been the best a person could be. To err is human, but to do more than just err is Mukhlis. I have had ups and downs in life, all sent by Allah as a test, as a method, as a path, to grant me the things I ask from Him in my prayers.
Alhamdulillah.
I would like to thank Allah for granting me the best of companions, from blood brothers to bond brothers, from blood sisters to bond sisters, they have all coloured my life. A hadith narrated reminds us all about the importance of keeping the best of companions, being able to choose who to befriend, who to keep as company and who to help us mould into a better individual.
"Keep the company of a perfume seller. If you don't end up selling perfume, at least the sweet scent is passed onto you. But do not be the company of a blacksmith for all you'll get is dirt"
I'm sorry for the poor remembrance of this hadith. If anyone can correct me, I would really appreciate it. Anyway, this hadith underlines the importance of who we keep as friends. I've had friends, from the best scoring students in our country to drug addicts and thiefs. But lets not discriminate, befriending people of all type is a blessing. We celebrate the diversity in human nature. However, always have in mind of whom we let shape us, our personality, our attitude and behaviour.
To 0105, I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. For you guys brought the best out of me. I was at the top of my potential back then. Exploring all I could, trying to top achievement after achievement. Allah definitely granted my doa when I prayed for success. He didn't land a block of success in from of my cubicle door, instead he gave comrades who spurred me on towards achieving the success.
KMB was a whole different scenario. I never knew how to get along with girls and it was sort of a shock. I made my classmate cry on the very first few days in class, not knowing how to handle their fragility. God created them so delicate that a throw of a pen could make them cry. He allowed me to widen my perspective and recruit more knowledge and experience towards becoming a wiser person. I had the notorious Blok A Crew as friends, apart from all the others. I'ld like to apologise to these guys, as I never really made the best of the opportunity Allah granted me when he included me into this brotherhood. I pursued things that my heart desired, a thing so bold that it blinded my sight. I lost track of those who would be there for me no matter what. A few years on, I can only look back and sigh. Allah, I've learnt my lesson.
Fiat Sapientia Virtus
Let manliness come through wisdom. The motto of MCKK said it all along, but I was a naive kid back then and didnt really see the greater message in the motto. 5years on, I'm starting to understand and decipher the ocean of meaning behind these 3words. Ups and downs in life will make me tougher, stronger, wiser and more abled to face the vast unknown future. With each passing heartbreak, each laughter and hardship, my arsenal of experience is growing, allowing me to foresee possible outcomes should I encounter the same situations again in life. Options I once looked pass could be the best choice in the future. For all I know, may Allah guide me through all this.
I've broken a few hearts, all so vividly fresh in my mind. Each one so deeply affected by my actions and words. God gave me charm, but I misused it. My mentor Pn Salma reminded me once back in KMB, to be careful with God's gift. Use it for righteousness, insyaAllah life will be smooth sailing. Abuse it, only Allah will repay the deeds. I've made mistakes, and I wish I never did. But thats what a lesson is. You have to endure it to be able to learn. And from that as well you learn that the world does not evolve around you. You're not the centre of the universe. At times you feel so in control that you take things for granted. You try to change things, people, environment without the realisation that they are already the best for you. That is the time that we often call as chance, opportunity, window or whatever terminology you can think of. When this time-space frame closes, you'll suddenly realise you wasted something that can never be recovered. When you finally start scrambling, "too little too late" is what people often throw at you. I've had my heart shattered for the first time and I tell you, it sucks big time. More deservingly for me, it was a double blow. Padan muka aku. But nevertheless, you are the determinant of your future. You only have yourself as a limiting factor. so bounce back and be better. And thats exactly what I intend to do, insyaAllah. To all those out there that I've hurt, I seek your forgiveness and would like to thank all of you. Without all of you, I would never have realised where I stand.
In about 5 weeks time, I'm about to endure my 3rd year studying medicine. People in Leeds, despite my air and coolness, I still need your support to continue doing my best. I wish we can continue helping each other and stay together and graduate in about 3years time. Slips and falls are only to help us mature, so have faith in Allah and you'll see the beauty in all He does.
With the arrival of ramadhan, I seek forgiveness to all those I've wronged and I pray for us all. If you've wronged me, don't fret. I hardly remember things done to me as I am a forgiver. I also forget. =P So if you see me around and we've had a bad history, just shout out and wave or something because once you're a friend of mine, you'll always be.
I think thats long enough for now. Selamat berpuasa, selamat bertarawih dan moga ramadhan kali ni lebih baik daripada yang lepas, in every sense of the word. I will pen off now.
"Allahummaghfirlil muslimeena wal muslimaat, mukmineena wal mukminaat. Allahumma inna nasaluka ridhaaka wal jannah wa na'udhubika min sakhaatika wannaar"
Ha adik-adik! solat!!
For my 100th post, I would like to have a little say on all thats been going on in life. In my life especially.
As far as I'm aware, I haven't been the best a person could be. To err is human, but to do more than just err is Mukhlis. I have had ups and downs in life, all sent by Allah as a test, as a method, as a path, to grant me the things I ask from Him in my prayers.
Alhamdulillah.
I would like to thank Allah for granting me the best of companions, from blood brothers to bond brothers, from blood sisters to bond sisters, they have all coloured my life. A hadith narrated reminds us all about the importance of keeping the best of companions, being able to choose who to befriend, who to keep as company and who to help us mould into a better individual.
"Keep the company of a perfume seller. If you don't end up selling perfume, at least the sweet scent is passed onto you. But do not be the company of a blacksmith for all you'll get is dirt"
I'm sorry for the poor remembrance of this hadith. If anyone can correct me, I would really appreciate it. Anyway, this hadith underlines the importance of who we keep as friends. I've had friends, from the best scoring students in our country to drug addicts and thiefs. But lets not discriminate, befriending people of all type is a blessing. We celebrate the diversity in human nature. However, always have in mind of whom we let shape us, our personality, our attitude and behaviour.
To 0105, I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. For you guys brought the best out of me. I was at the top of my potential back then. Exploring all I could, trying to top achievement after achievement. Allah definitely granted my doa when I prayed for success. He didn't land a block of success in from of my cubicle door, instead he gave comrades who spurred me on towards achieving the success.
KMB was a whole different scenario. I never knew how to get along with girls and it was sort of a shock. I made my classmate cry on the very first few days in class, not knowing how to handle their fragility. God created them so delicate that a throw of a pen could make them cry. He allowed me to widen my perspective and recruit more knowledge and experience towards becoming a wiser person. I had the notorious Blok A Crew as friends, apart from all the others. I'ld like to apologise to these guys, as I never really made the best of the opportunity Allah granted me when he included me into this brotherhood. I pursued things that my heart desired, a thing so bold that it blinded my sight. I lost track of those who would be there for me no matter what. A few years on, I can only look back and sigh. Allah, I've learnt my lesson.
Fiat Sapientia Virtus
Let manliness come through wisdom. The motto of MCKK said it all along, but I was a naive kid back then and didnt really see the greater message in the motto. 5years on, I'm starting to understand and decipher the ocean of meaning behind these 3words. Ups and downs in life will make me tougher, stronger, wiser and more abled to face the vast unknown future. With each passing heartbreak, each laughter and hardship, my arsenal of experience is growing, allowing me to foresee possible outcomes should I encounter the same situations again in life. Options I once looked pass could be the best choice in the future. For all I know, may Allah guide me through all this.
I've broken a few hearts, all so vividly fresh in my mind. Each one so deeply affected by my actions and words. God gave me charm, but I misused it. My mentor Pn Salma reminded me once back in KMB, to be careful with God's gift. Use it for righteousness, insyaAllah life will be smooth sailing. Abuse it, only Allah will repay the deeds. I've made mistakes, and I wish I never did. But thats what a lesson is. You have to endure it to be able to learn. And from that as well you learn that the world does not evolve around you. You're not the centre of the universe. At times you feel so in control that you take things for granted. You try to change things, people, environment without the realisation that they are already the best for you. That is the time that we often call as chance, opportunity, window or whatever terminology you can think of. When this time-space frame closes, you'll suddenly realise you wasted something that can never be recovered. When you finally start scrambling, "too little too late" is what people often throw at you. I've had my heart shattered for the first time and I tell you, it sucks big time. More deservingly for me, it was a double blow. Padan muka aku. But nevertheless, you are the determinant of your future. You only have yourself as a limiting factor. so bounce back and be better. And thats exactly what I intend to do, insyaAllah. To all those out there that I've hurt, I seek your forgiveness and would like to thank all of you. Without all of you, I would never have realised where I stand.
In about 5 weeks time, I'm about to endure my 3rd year studying medicine. People in Leeds, despite my air and coolness, I still need your support to continue doing my best. I wish we can continue helping each other and stay together and graduate in about 3years time. Slips and falls are only to help us mature, so have faith in Allah and you'll see the beauty in all He does.
With the arrival of ramadhan, I seek forgiveness to all those I've wronged and I pray for us all. If you've wronged me, don't fret. I hardly remember things done to me as I am a forgiver. I also forget. =P So if you see me around and we've had a bad history, just shout out and wave or something because once you're a friend of mine, you'll always be.
I think thats long enough for now. Selamat berpuasa, selamat bertarawih dan moga ramadhan kali ni lebih baik daripada yang lepas, in every sense of the word. I will pen off now.
"Allahummaghfirlil muslimeena wal muslimaat, mukmineena wal mukminaat. Allahumma inna nasaluka ridhaaka wal jannah wa na'udhubika min sakhaatika wannaar"
Ha adik-adik! solat!!
Monday, 9 August 2010
Memories
I stood there in the rain
I smiled and wished you well
The water drenched me
It was cold, heavy and gloomy
A droplet of rain caught my lip
It tasted salty, unusual for me
From the corner of my eye
It streaked the margin of my face
How unusual! i remarked and sighed
God sent me salty rain today
To cure the bitterness I taste in all I eat
To wet my body when the shower failed
To bathe me in acceptance of His plans
A shiver ran down my spine
Urgh! I closed my eyes
I felt better, a warmth filled from within
It shone from a small box
Called memories.
Every cloud has a silver lining
Salam
Last year, I spent da whole of ramadhan, fasting in summer. It was hard, imagine sahur ending at 2.30am and breaking fast at 9pm. Lucky me, Allah murahkn rezeki. =) bab mkn free tuh mmg xyh risau. masjid hari2 mkn beriani, xpon ayam masak apa ntah yg mmg sgt sdp. pastu golek2 jp, terus tarawih. 8 rakaat ja tp ketar jgk la lutut berdiri. hehe.
However, one of the thgs I did not fully utilise was the presence of lail al-qadar. Ustaz Daud reminded us, with every hardship, Allah will repay with his blessings. Among the blessings you get from fasting 20hrs a day is that night is very brief. With this, the chance to miss lail al-qadar is very small, unless you miss ibadah on any night of the final 10 days. Bygkn, bbuka kurma, jemaah maghrib. n then mkn. n then rehat jp dlm 20min, n then terus isya n tarawih. ngaji2 sket, dh smpi sahur n subuh. I really hope I can go thru Ramadhan but the lure of fasting at home is immense. This is Allah's ujian I guess. Not saying that kt Msia susah nk dpt lail al-qadar, tp kalo dh timeframe tu pendek, by logic mmg akn lg mudah.
Anyway, Ramadhan bakal tiba. Rejab adalah bulan Allah, Syaaban bulan Nabi Muhammad, Ramadhan bulan umatnya. May this Ramadhan be better than previous encounters insyaAllah. =)
slmt2 beramal! (tiru ustaz kt radio tu)
Last year, I spent da whole of ramadhan, fasting in summer. It was hard, imagine sahur ending at 2.30am and breaking fast at 9pm. Lucky me, Allah murahkn rezeki. =) bab mkn free tuh mmg xyh risau. masjid hari2 mkn beriani, xpon ayam masak apa ntah yg mmg sgt sdp. pastu golek2 jp, terus tarawih. 8 rakaat ja tp ketar jgk la lutut berdiri. hehe.
However, one of the thgs I did not fully utilise was the presence of lail al-qadar. Ustaz Daud reminded us, with every hardship, Allah will repay with his blessings. Among the blessings you get from fasting 20hrs a day is that night is very brief. With this, the chance to miss lail al-qadar is very small, unless you miss ibadah on any night of the final 10 days. Bygkn, bbuka kurma, jemaah maghrib. n then mkn. n then rehat jp dlm 20min, n then terus isya n tarawih. ngaji2 sket, dh smpi sahur n subuh. I really hope I can go thru Ramadhan but the lure of fasting at home is immense. This is Allah's ujian I guess. Not saying that kt Msia susah nk dpt lail al-qadar, tp kalo dh timeframe tu pendek, by logic mmg akn lg mudah.
Anyway, Ramadhan bakal tiba. Rejab adalah bulan Allah, Syaaban bulan Nabi Muhammad, Ramadhan bulan umatnya. May this Ramadhan be better than previous encounters insyaAllah. =)
slmt2 beramal! (tiru ustaz kt radio tu)
Sunday, 8 August 2010
When time elapsed
Salam
When trust is gone, where do you go?
There was a time when all was carefree. I was invincible. Nothing could shatter me. I will only come back stronger and bolder. It was a time when all that mattered to me was reaching that 1.80m mark, clocking 11sec, ruthlessly streaking through the water, leaving a mark when the ball flew into the 22m zone.
Sports liberate me, like no other. I used to put my laces through the ball at times of anger, frustration. All only to become a better man. And tonight, Man U will play the table topper, Chelsea. I feel the surge once again. But I also have a rock in my guts. I'll be back. I've told you my experiences, how I wandered off into the wilderness, without a compass or the heavens to guide me. But now I'm back, I've found a better foothold and I hope I will continue to do so. I promise you, I'll be back. Astalavista. You take your pack and wonder off, into the same wilderness I took. We'll never know which side of the swamp you'll end up reaching, but if its where I stand, it will be the time when I say to you, What took you so long? I pen off with a smile.
United! United!
You are my liberation.
When trust is gone, where do you go?
There was a time when all was carefree. I was invincible. Nothing could shatter me. I will only come back stronger and bolder. It was a time when all that mattered to me was reaching that 1.80m mark, clocking 11sec, ruthlessly streaking through the water, leaving a mark when the ball flew into the 22m zone.
Sports liberate me, like no other. I used to put my laces through the ball at times of anger, frustration. All only to become a better man. And tonight, Man U will play the table topper, Chelsea. I feel the surge once again. But I also have a rock in my guts. I'll be back. I've told you my experiences, how I wandered off into the wilderness, without a compass or the heavens to guide me. But now I'm back, I've found a better foothold and I hope I will continue to do so. I promise you, I'll be back. Astalavista. You take your pack and wonder off, into the same wilderness I took. We'll never know which side of the swamp you'll end up reaching, but if its where I stand, it will be the time when I say to you, What took you so long? I pen off with a smile.
United! United!
You are my liberation.
Reality
My son, what is your greatest fear?
My worse nightmare turning out true.
What can be worse than in this world we already live in? Where dogs eat dogs, fathers destroying the life of their daughters, conflicts settled at gunpoint, discrimination and exploitation of resources. Right is wrong and wrong is right.
Nothing is worse, as I am a victim of todays world, a prision of my past creations.
Who do you keep as company?
Ive no one trustworthy, ashamed of my own deeds. I cry in my sleep, regretting and repenting. I only have Allah to seek forgiveness.
What do you do now?
I only sit and cry. I know I'm digging my own grave. A mental pit so deep it drowns the sunlight.
Get up little boy. You have the energy of youth. People at your age have led armies, fought to feed their siblings, hurling stones to protect their nation.
My worse nightmare turning out true.
What can be worse than in this world we already live in? Where dogs eat dogs, fathers destroying the life of their daughters, conflicts settled at gunpoint, discrimination and exploitation of resources. Right is wrong and wrong is right.
Nothing is worse, as I am a victim of todays world, a prision of my past creations.
Who do you keep as company?
Ive no one trustworthy, ashamed of my own deeds. I cry in my sleep, regretting and repenting. I only have Allah to seek forgiveness.
What do you do now?
I only sit and cry. I know I'm digging my own grave. A mental pit so deep it drowns the sunlight.
Get up little boy. You have the energy of youth. People at your age have led armies, fought to feed their siblings, hurling stones to protect their nation.
Saturday, 7 August 2010
Friday, 6 August 2010
Back
Assalamu'alaikum
Its been a while. 2years away from home, its been wonderful to be with family. To all friends, sorry if you feel I make you lot invisible. Sorry for the absence of souvenirs, I couldn't even bring home presents for my own family. Blame the weight limit on baggage.
Driving around Jitra for the 1st week was dreadful. I forgot how to get to Masjid Tg Pauh from my house. I forgot where Kuala Kedah was and which route I had to take. All within the spand of 2 years. Something I never thought I could forget, was taken temporarily again from me. Na'uzubillahi min zaalik. It happens everyday. Yet we turn a blind eye to it all.
I came home with the news of 2 future nephews or nieces. But Allah know best. From now on theres only 1. Kak Manar, your child will be waiting for you at the gates of Jannah. Be strong for He created us and to Him we return. I was taught anak adalah rezeki, dan rezeki adalah milik Allah. Redha dalam menjalani ujian, insyaAllah moga Allah tetapkan iman kita semua.
Our environment changes, people change, emotions change, perception changes. But are we the same? Are we ever the same? No one is the same no matter how you wish you were. Knowledge changes people. What is knowledge? Processed information from our environment, adapted with experiences makes knowledge. Books don't give us knowledge. It gives us information. We make it into knowledge. And with knowledge, people change.
With ramadhan fast approaching, may we all seek the most from it. Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa. Moga bukan sekadar mendapat lpr dan dahaga. insyaAllah.
wassalam.
Its been a while. 2years away from home, its been wonderful to be with family. To all friends, sorry if you feel I make you lot invisible. Sorry for the absence of souvenirs, I couldn't even bring home presents for my own family. Blame the weight limit on baggage.
Driving around Jitra for the 1st week was dreadful. I forgot how to get to Masjid Tg Pauh from my house. I forgot where Kuala Kedah was and which route I had to take. All within the spand of 2 years. Something I never thought I could forget, was taken temporarily again from me. Na'uzubillahi min zaalik. It happens everyday. Yet we turn a blind eye to it all.
I came home with the news of 2 future nephews or nieces. But Allah know best. From now on theres only 1. Kak Manar, your child will be waiting for you at the gates of Jannah. Be strong for He created us and to Him we return. I was taught anak adalah rezeki, dan rezeki adalah milik Allah. Redha dalam menjalani ujian, insyaAllah moga Allah tetapkan iman kita semua.
Our environment changes, people change, emotions change, perception changes. But are we the same? Are we ever the same? No one is the same no matter how you wish you were. Knowledge changes people. What is knowledge? Processed information from our environment, adapted with experiences makes knowledge. Books don't give us knowledge. It gives us information. We make it into knowledge. And with knowledge, people change.
With ramadhan fast approaching, may we all seek the most from it. Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa. Moga bukan sekadar mendapat lpr dan dahaga. insyaAllah.
wassalam.
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